Dusty and Lefty may be two of most under-appreciated characters in recent film memory, and these lines could be theirs — but they're not. Still, this "cowboy wisdom" should give you a laugh. Enjoy your Saturday!
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• Don't squat with your spurs on.
• Don't never interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
• Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
• If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
• It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
• The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
• Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
• Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Generally, you ain't learnin' nothin' when your mouth is a-jawin'.
• Tellin' a man to go to hell and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.
• Generally speakin', fancy titles and nightshirts are a waste of time.
• Trust everybody in the game, but always cut the cards.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
• If you're gonna go,...go like hell. If your mind's not made up, don't use your spurs.
• Never kick a fresh cowpie on a hot day.
• After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
• Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
• When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• The best way to have quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.
• There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
• When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
• Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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