BLAZE

Tonight is my last night of freedom until the end of June. I should be enjoying it inordinately but am not. Still too stressed from the last few weeks. Very very very tired. Could sleep through the whole day and not notice. In fact, tried that today. But guilt kept waking me up.

Everyone should get a blog. I regret that so many people write in their blogs with an awkwardly sly sense of performativity. We all recognize that these are sculpted thoughts. It should not be necessary, therefore, to point metadiscursively to the fact that the writing is a construction. BLAH BLAH BLAH!

I am thinking an awful lot about stealing my grandmother's ashes. Despite that I have deeply unresolved feelings about the woman, feelings that hover somewhere close to hatred, I still find quite upsetting the idea that her final wishes were not honoured. My family of course thinks I'm crazy and will not assist me. Which is fine. If I need help, I know where to find it. And the element of surprise may work to my advantage anyway. I'll be wearing the black pajamas.

... you know I've always been a dreamer, and it's so hard to change ...

Tonight I like: Tom Robbins. Snowflakes. Windows for being the twisted, insidious operating system it is. Michael des Barres and Pamela Knight singing 'Obsession'. A puppy falling all over himself. Violas. Pizza flyers because. Hush hush.

Tonight I dislike: Lyle Oberg (that verb perhaps insufficiently emphatic for my purposes). Pits in packaged dates. Laziness. The destructive force of group mentality. Conformity. My bangs. Washing dishes.

...early in the morning .. .late in the evening...

Resting in the nature of the essence: laVermeer