BLAZE

Thursday. Feeling happy I'm a Canadian. Lots happening. Went to the Centre for the Arts today and saw my new office. My very own office! It has six tiny glass-brick windows. Yay! My boss asked me to evaluate a portfolio, which wasn't bad but wasn't great either. Felt I was getting dragged into someone else's argument. Very odd. Slept and slept. Stupid body.

... hyperactive when I'm small, hyperactive now I'm tall, hyperactive as the day is long ...

Buddhist lesson to work on ... "Our neurosis and our wisdom are made out of the same material. If you throw out your neurosis, you also throw out your wisdom. Someone who is very angry also has a lot of energy; that energy is what's so juicy about him or her. That's the reason people love that person. The idea isn't to try to get rid of your anger, but to make friends with it, to see it clearly with precision and honesty, and also to see it with gentleness. ... The gentleness involves not repressing the anger but also not acting it out. It is something much softer and more openhearted than any of that. It involves learning how, once you have fully acknowledged the feeling of anger and the knowledge of who you are and what you do, to let it go." — Pema Chodron

Do you remember "Empty Garden", Elton John's song about John Lennon? I heard it today for the first time in years. It reminded me of the summer I was nineteen. Hmph.

Who remembers these singles? (I do! I do!)

• What Have I Done to Deserve This? - Pet Shop Boys with Dusty Springfield
• Brand New Lover - Dead or Alive
• Letting Go - Straight Lines
• Tiny Thing (Things Aren't Funny) - Jensen Interceptor
• All Touch - Rough Trade
• Twist in My Sobriety - Tanita Tikaram
• Straight from the Heart - Rosetta Stone
• Real Contender - The Wildroot Orchestra
• The Lover in Me - Sheena Easton
• The Love of a Woman - Klaatu
• Affair of the Heart - Rick Springfield
• Lead a Double Life - Loverboy --> plus Queen of the Broken Hearts by Loverboy!
• One Night in Bangkok - Murray Head
• Ball of Confusion - Love and Rockets

Just digging through the 45s ... you remember what those were, right? Ah, another lovely trip down amnesia lane ... Now if only I could find another person on the planet who remembers Larry Evoy's single "Goodbye" and anything by the Cooper Brothers ... Oh the contest we could have!

iTunes reminds me "you're the blood of me". Let me never live in silence. Falling through the stars. Want to talk all night. A purple ring of fierce love. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. " ... " she says. She hopes he doesn't hear "save me." She means "reality." Means "sometimes difficult." Means "listen." Listening and listening and listening until the sounds dissolve into air and meaninglessness again.

Nicole and Dave are both on their way, Nicole to Newfoundland and Dave to New York. Zak is on his way to Sechelt. And I, and I ...

... you know I won't hold you back now ...

Drat! My computer's speakers would seem to be dying rapidly. Prob'ly too dusty. I really should clean this place once in a while. But now it's late and there are books calling my name. Their voices are so lovely and melodic: they've come to take me home.

with love from the obscure fearless girl...
goodnight